THE 5TH GRADE ASSIGNMENT

Originally Published on Friday, November 11, 2011 at 10:34am
by James Macomber
Kennewick, WA

The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment: get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories.

Kathy said, “My father’s a farmer and we have a lot of egg-laying hens. One time we were taking our eggs to market in a basket on the front seat of the pickup when we hit a bump in the road and all the eggs went flying and broke and made a mess.”

“And what’s the moral of the story?” asked the teacher.

“Don’t put all your eggs in one basket!”

“Very good,” said the teacher. “Now, Lucy?”

“Our family are farmers, too, but we raise chickens for the meat market. We had a dozen eggs one time, but when they hatched we only got ten live chicks. And the moral to this story is, don’t count your chickens until they’re hatched.”

“That was a fine story, Lucy. Johnny do you have a story to share?”

“Yes, ma’am! My daddy told me this story about my Uncle Bob. Uncle Bob was a Green Beret in Vietnam and his helicopter got hit. He had to crash land in enemy territory and all he had was a bottle of whiskey, a machine gun, and a machete. He drank the whiskey on the way down so it wouldn’t break, and then he landed right in the middle of 100 enemy troops. He killed seventy of them with the machine gun until he ran out of bullets, then he killed twenty more with the machete till the blade broke, and then he killed the last ten with his bare hands!”

“Good heavens!” said the horrified teacher, ” What kind of moral did your daddy tell you about that horrible story?”

“Don’t fuck with Uncle Bob when he’s been drinking!”

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About timpson

Retired, I sew, quilt, paint, refinish furniture, love to DIY, and surf the net.
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